I'm a little stressed, a little panicky, and a whole lot BLESSED!

Summer is winding down, I've heard rumors that the leaves are turning, and we're watching the first football game of the year.  That means school is approaching.  I love the excitement of the beginning of school but that also means I have to leave my babies.  It's always difficult for me to leave but it's tougher this year with a new little one that I've only been away from for about 8 hours total of her 4 1/2 month life.  BRUTAL!

In addition to missing them terribly I keep wondering how I'll find time to get everything done while still having time to spend with my girls.  How can I possibly clean, shop, cook, get projects done and maybe even a few crafts for myself while getting enough snuggling time in.  However, as I'm gearing up to complain about how terrible this all is for me I realize:

I'm so blessed to have a job that I love that allows us to do the things we want to do, live in the house we have, and put money away for these darlings for school.  In this economy not everybody can say that and as a Mama I can't think of a job I'd rather have.  I'm able to be home with them half of the time, I get done at 3:00 each day, and when they start school I'll be on the same schedule as them.  As much as I miss them I do believe it's the best thing for our family.

I'm so blessed to have to clean a house that we love in a neighborhood we never thought we'd be able to live in (we're SO SO SO happy to be out of a development and out of the crazy traffic and graffiti ridden area we were in previously).

I'm so blessed to have a FAMILY for my girls to spend their days with.  There are 3 other girls within a few months of Stella and she absolutely loves the family of the woman who watches her.  We don't consider it "day-care".  They have become part of our family and Stella has experienced and learned so much more than she would have if she'd just been with me for all of this time.  As much as I miss them I actually truly believe that it's a really great thing for them.  I've even continued taking her one day a week throughout the summer because I think it's so good for her developmentally and socially.

I'm blessed to have a husband who puts up with my to-do list and a house to do projects on and improve for our family.  Again, so many people don't have a house they can work on, the means to work on it, or a spouse so supportive and helpful.

I'm blessed to have things that I love to do (knitting, sewing, baking, etc).  I don't have enough time to do any of them, but there are actually people who don't really have any hobbies.

I'm blessed to not be able to get a good nights sleep because of two incredible girls.

I'm blessed to not have enough time for all that I love because that just means that there is SO much!  There were days I had plenty of time for all I wanted to do and I can say that I'm so much happier now.  I can't imagine coming home from work each day and having nothing to do other than clean/craft/nap.  (Although I can tell you I'd really love a good long nap!)  Back then I LONGED for a house filled with little ones and the mess that comes along with them.  The way my heart aches by missing them is so much preferable to the ache of not having them.

I have a family that I'm head over heals in love with and we're all healthy.  Seriously, the thought that I spend a second being down is pretty ridiculous.  So, I'm doing my best not to let the anxiety get the better of me.  We're trying to come up with ways to make more time.  I'm looking into freezer meals and an extra freezer, I'd love to get a cleaner (I have no idea how much that would cost though), and we'll have to get better about getting things ready at night so I can spend my time with my girls.

My happy little 4 1/2 month old:  I can't believe this is the girl who Jim once said about, "Is she trying to be the least pleasant baby ever born?"  We actually thought maybe she had food allergies or something.  How that has changed!  She's rolling over, eating cereal (and not liking it), laughing all of the time, loves her big sister, gives us the BIGGEST grins when we get her up and unwrap the swaddle, and is currently hanging out in her bouncer we put together today.  She's also figure out if she sticks her left leg out straight and kicks it she can make herself bounce in her chair.  The dog has become another source of giggles.  He bites her toes and she thinks it's hilarious.

Stella continues to be my pal and the best big sister we could ever ask for.  She loves to play with Lucy and tries constantly to maker her laugh.  When I took them to get Lucy's 4 month check up Lucy started crying when she was given some oral medication and Stella told the nurse, "don't make my baby cry."  I'm hoping they'll always be crazy for each other and one anothers biggest support/protectors.  She's smart, funny, helpful, and above all my little buddy.  I'm still in shock we haven't had an ounce of jealousy, what a trooper!  I have some hilarious pictures from a "photo shoot" she and I had.  I need to get them posted before she starts school.  ;)