Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Mama guilt

If I get home and get some pictures taken while it's light out I'll be back soon with pictures of Bob (our elf), our new advent calendars, and our new wreaths! We got our tree this weekend too.  Stella had a great time decorating it (I'm refraining from "fixing" it though it looks like someone chucked mardi gras beads at it).
 I love this one of Jim and Stella!

For today however...

I tend to be a BIG worrier, and I think I carry a lot of guilt.  Not two of my better qualities, but we all have our things right?  One of the biggest causes of guilt for me is Mama guilt.  I feel bad I don't spend all day everyday with them (even though Stella was sobbing Sunday when I mentioned we may have to stay home Monday if her fever didn't break.  She said she missed her friends - love that!), I feel guilty we don't have more fresh homemade meals, homemade quilts/clothes/accessories, etc.  The most recent cause for my guilt is Lucy weaning.  Stella and I only made it for about 2 1/2 months before she weaned when I went back to work.  I REALLY wanted to nurse Lu for longer and was thrilled that I'd be home with her for 5 months before returning to work.  I also planned on pumping while at work this time around and let me tell you how much fun THAT was!  My goal was to nurse until she was 6 months old.  I always said when she's old enough to walk up to me and ask for it or pull my shirt up I was DONE.  Each person has their own views on breastfeeding and/or comfort levels, and that's been where I start to get uncomfortable with it.

Lucy was 8 months old yesterday and over the past week or so she's been less and less interested in nursing and I was getting less when I pumped.  I was down to once a day at school (that meant I got my lunchtime back) and nursing once or twice a day.  Yesterday I forgot the bottles so I didn't pump and then I didn't bring them today.  Now, I'd MUCH MUCH MUCH prefer her to wean herself when she's ready so we don't have to go through the trauma and misery of me denying her and I made it past my 6 month goal.  She'd much prefer real food to bottles and there's no doubt she's growing just fine, so it's crazy for me to feel bad about it, but I do. 

I know it's nothing to feel guilty over, perhaps it's not as much guilt as sadness that it's coming to an end and that means she's getting older and more independent.  I'm such a sap!  When she sprouts that first tooth I'm going to lose it - those gummy grins are one of my favorite things!

I haven't even touched on my irrational and totally excessive worrying and anxiety, I've been told more than once that I need medication! Do any of you have irrational guilt?  What things set you off?


MrsStadnik said...

Of course! I totally have irrational guilt many little things set me off. Having Caryn her daycare provider take her to play at the park (jealousy that I don't get to do it), watching the other moms come to school with their kiddos, frozen meals, Bella telling me not to leave when I drop her a daycare, Maddie telling me we need some alone time, being too exhausted at the end of the day (so I feel like I give more to my students all day and what do I have left for my girls).....I could really go on and on. I do know that my girls are so loved and adored beyond anything...that gets me through. However, I feel so much guilt too.

Lisa said...

I just stumbled on your blog through "Enjoying the Small Things," and relate to this post so much that I had to comment. :-)
I couldn't relate to this more, and I have to admit that it's nice to know that I'm not the only one putting what I know is ridiculous guilt on myself as a mom (I do it in other areas as well :)).
Let's see...a big one right now is that I didn't get to all of the Christmas traditions I wanted to with my girls this year (3 and almost 2). We got the good 'ole chocolate advent calendars this year (this is what I had growing up, so I was excited for the girls to have them this year), and I totally failed at having them open them each day - I think we only got to about half. Also, I got it in my head about two days before Christmas that they needed crochet monkeys in their stockings...I didn't quite get them done with everything else to do, and they are still sitting in my craft bag. I need to keep reminding myself that they don't know any better! Anyway, I could give you a million more examples...just know you aren't alone. :) Oh, and it sounds like maybe you are a teacher? I am as well, and don't even get me started on how guilty I feel about spending more time with other people's kids during the week than my own. ;-)

Lisa said...

Yes, many elf ideas came from Pinterest...I read your post about Pinterest and it cracked me up. :) So true that everyone in the world is going to have the same decorations, etc. because of that site! :)
Well, I'll continue to "stalk" your blog if you don't's nice to come across someone every once in a while who I seem to think similarly with, especially as a mommy.
Happy holidays!