If I get home and get some pictures taken while it's light out I'll be back soon with pictures of Bob (our elf), our new advent calendars, and our new wreaths! We got our tree this weekend too. Stella had a great time decorating it (I'm refraining from "fixing" it though it looks like someone chucked mardi gras beads at it).I love this one of Jim and Stella!
For today however...
I tend to be a BIG worrier, and I think I carry a lot of guilt. Not two of my better qualities, but we all have our things right? One of the biggest causes of guilt for me is Mama guilt. I feel bad I don't spend all day everyday with them (even though Stella was sobbing Sunday when I mentioned we may have to stay home Monday if her fever didn't break. She said she missed her friends - love that!), I feel guilty we don't have more fresh homemade meals, homemade quilts/clothes/accessories, etc. The most recent cause for my guilt is Lucy weaning. Stella and I only made it for about 2 1/2 months before she weaned when I went back to work. I REALLY wanted to nurse Lu for longer and was thrilled that I'd be home with her for 5 months before returning to work. I also planned on pumping while at work this time around and let me tell you how much fun THAT was! My goal was to nurse until she was 6 months old. I always said when she's old enough to walk up to me and ask for it or pull my shirt up I was DONE. Each person has their own views on breastfeeding and/or comfort levels, and that's been where I start to get uncomfortable with it.
Lucy was 8 months old yesterday and over the past week or so she's been less and less interested in nursing and I was getting less when I pumped. I was down to once a day at school (that meant I got my lunchtime back) and nursing once or twice a day. Yesterday I forgot the bottles so I didn't pump and then I didn't bring them today. Now, I'd MUCH MUCH MUCH prefer her to wean herself when she's ready so we don't have to go through the trauma and misery of me denying her and I made it past my 6 month goal. She'd much prefer real food to bottles and there's no doubt she's growing just fine, so it's crazy for me to feel bad about it, but I do.
I know it's nothing to feel guilty over, perhaps it's not as much guilt as sadness that it's coming to an end and that means she's getting older and more independent. I'm such a sap! When she sprouts that first tooth I'm going to lose it - those gummy grins are one of my favorite things!
I haven't even touched on my irrational and totally excessive worrying and anxiety, I've been told more than once that I need medication! Do any of you have irrational guilt? What things set you off?