Though I'm by no means a young mom, most of the time I still feel much younger than my 36 years. I can't be the only one who still sometimes feels like they're playing house and has to remind themselves that they really ARE the adult with a mortgage and a family to take care of am I?
While prepping for Easter Saturday night it felt strange to be the one getting ready for a holiday. That's something my parents should be doing. Then it hit me that it's MY turn. I am the one staying up late to stuff stockings, I am the one drawing bunny prints on the driveway before I hear tiny footsteps upstairs, I am the one hiding/scheming/planning.
Though it still feels a bit strange, I love the role. I don't think a holiday has passed in the 4 years, 3 months, and 15 days I've been a mama that Jim hasn't said to me "you love this don't you?" I love every bit of it. I love trying to think of things that will bring smiles to their faces. I crave things that will become traditions for our family. I'm always "stealing" things from others and tweaking them to fit us. Taking things from his family, my family, stranger's families and putting them together in a way that it's comfortable. I hope that years from now my own girls will look back on them and that they'll help make up the identity of their childhoods.
I'm constantly trying to do things that my girls will remember and talk about when they're older. Last summer I became slightly obsessed with finding a picnic quilt. I NEEDED to find a quilt that we would have family picnics on for years to come and the girls would fight over someday and think of all of the fun we had on it. I NEEDED to make two advent calendars because they'll use them for the next 20 years and heaven forbid there isn't one for each of them to have.
A former student of mine posted a link to this article yesterday. As much as I'm enjoying all of these responsibilities I admit that there are times I don't feel like it's enough. I don't make enough home cooked meals, I don't sew enough, my house isn't clean enough. The article got me choked up and I know that it will be something I read many more times when I'm feeling inadequate.
I'm learning to let go a bit though and Easter turned out perfectly. There was "enough" without making me feel overwhelmed. We spent Saturday at Jim's moms and then on Sunday we had our own little Easter with baskets and eggs and then went to my Dad's for one final hoorah. Lucy is still too young to get into it and her lack of walking made it tough. She was perfectly content with an egg or two to throw though. We definitely lucked out with a beautiful PNW weekend!
This is SO my girl! The kids were going crazy trying to see what was going on out back and where the guys were hiding the eggs while she patiently waited. When she gets excited she gets so quiet and reserved just soaking everything up!
Finally getting her eggs.
Yeah, this was our attempt at a family pic! :)
The past few months I've realized that somehow, without me even realizing it. my role has changed. I'm the child, but I'm also the mama. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my mama role that I forget I can just let go and relish being a daughter. Not long ago, Kelle wrote about being in the "middle". I'd never thought of it in that way, but when I look back on my life I have a feeling that this will be one of my favorite periods. Safely snuggled between my kids and my own mom. After all, isn't the middle ALWAYS the warmest and coziest spot?
Do you have any traditions you love and want to share? Happy weekend!