Winding down

We're a few days out now and I feel like it's the calm before the storm.  The nursery is officially done, we don't have any commitments for the weekend, and Stella and I have been doing a lot of snuggling.  As anxious as I am to meet this little one, I'm trying to make a conscious effort to savor this time.  It's my last few days of feeling a little life inside.  It's something that after all of our struggles I am so very grateful to be able to experience.  Jim has said a few times, "oh, your poor body.  I'll be glad when you don't have to do this anymore."  I don't feel that way at all.  I'm beyond blessed to have this experience and part of me will be sad when it's done.

I'm also trying to soak up these last few days of Stella being an only child.  Part of the reason I fought so hard to have a second was so that she would NOT be an only child, but now that things are about to change I'm cherishing all of the one on one time she and I enjoy.  I could never have imagined how much she would become my little buddy.  She had a tough time the other night so we were in her room rocking and snuggling.  I told her that when the baby gets here I won't be able to hold her all of the time.  She said that Daddy can hold the baby and I can hold her.  I asked her if she was going to get upset when I held the baby and she nodded.  When I asked why she replied, "because then I won't be able to have cocoa on your lap and snuggle."  (our nightly before bed routine).  I promised her she'd always be able to sit on my lap to have her cocoa and snuggle while I cried and got in some sniffs of her hair because I realized how much her little life is about to change.  It will be wonderful and I know that they'll be so lucky to have each other, but my biggest fear is still how much she and I will miss each other.  I am completely and utterly head over heels for this little stinker!